A handful of times in one’s life, an artist is discovered
who totally changes your musical taste trajectory. For me, no one embodies that
experience more than one David Ryan Adams. From the moment I heard the twangy
guitar, sullen strings, convicted voice, and honest lyrics, of Whiskeytown’s
song 16 Days, I have been sold on that sound. A sound that I later discovered
was referred to as, “Alt-Country”. While there were other bands that I
discovered around that same time which also contributed to my falling in love
with the genre, (such as; Uncle Tupelo, Son Volt, Wilco, The Jayhawks, etc.),
Ryan Adams has had the greatest impact on me personally. His art has exponentially
expanded my musical horizons, while blowing me away with everything from chilling,
somber melodies, to raucous riff filled stompers. Adams has crafted some of the
most beautiful, brutal, and emotionally vulnerable songs I have ever heard.
Ryan is one of the most gifted songwriters of this generation and is so
stylistically creative, that you cannot place him into one, (or even two or
three!), genres. In my opinion, there only a handful of songwriters that even
come close to Adams in terms of output and quality. Jason Isbell and Jeff
Tweedy are certainly in the conversation, but from my perspective, Ryan’s
ability to cross over genres so effortlessly and effectively, sets him apart
from the rest. Simply put- He’s my favorite.
Over the years fans of DRA had become quite familiar with
stories of his quirkiness, stage abandoning temper tantrums, and often
asshole-ish behavior. However, over the past seven or eight years it had begun
to seem as though age had settled him a bit, or he had it least learned to cope
with his issues in ways other than lashing out at and punishing his adoring
fans. In 2009 he was married to actress Mandy Moore. At first glance they
seemed to be an unlikely couple, but appeared to be a happy pair to outsiders
looking in. In 2011, Adams was diagnosed with Meniere's disease, in inner ear
condition that causes vertigo like symptoms. Self-treating himself with
marijuana, as well as enforcing rules at his shows to limit cell phones and
other flashing lights, seemed to help a lot with controlling his symptoms and
stage demeanor. His career was going quite well. His brilliant cover album of
Taylor Swift’s 1989 album in 2015, exposed him to a whole new slew of fans and
garnered him a lot of media attention. Getting a ticket to one of his shows was
a nearly impossible task, unless you were willing to sell an organ to afford one
from a third party seller. Things appeared to be going better than ever for
Adams. However, in 2016 Moore and Adams were divorced. While the split did seem
to be a devastating one for Ryan, it also fueled a lot of material that would end
up being the fantastic 2017 album, Prisoner. Then more sadness hit Adams in
October of that year, when, (on the very day the Prisoner tour ended), his
older brother, Chris, passed away after a long battle with disease. It seemed,
once again, that tragedy had inspired even more material. In early 2019, Adams
announced via Instagram that he would be releasing, not one, but THREE
new albums. His devoted fans, I among them, were ecstatic. All of us highly
anticipating the first installment entitled Big Colors.
Then, on February 13th of this year, the doodoo
hit the fan…
A New York Times article written by Elizabeth Weinberg was
published, in which Adams was accused, by multiple young female artists, of
using his status in the industry to help launch their careers, but then pulling
his support away when his sexual advances were shunned. Even Adam’s ex-wife,
Moore, was quoted in the article as saying that, “music was a point of control,
for him”, and gave examples of how that played out throughout their relationship.
The most damning portion of the article, however, was the revelation that Adams
was under investigation by the F.B.I. for an alleged ongoing and sexually explicit
online relationship with an underage girl, referred to in the article as, ‘”Ava”.
While I am not going to get into all the accusations of inappropriate interactions
here, (feel free to link to the article above and read them for yourself if you
haven’t already), they were unquestionably very serious, depraved, and deplorable.
As I read that article at my desk and then listened to The Hardline discuss it
on my way home from work that day, I was not in the least bit surprised by what
he been accused of. In the wake of the #metoo explosion, and knowing his
reputation for being a prima donna, why would I be? The two most prevailing
emotions I felt were disappointment and anger. I was angry that Adams had done
these things with a girl the age of my own daughters. I was angry that he was flushing
his career down the toilet because he couldn’t control his urges. I was
disappointed that those three albums he had promised to release this year may now
never see the light of day. I was disappointed that I could no longer claim my
loyal fandom and proudly don my favorite Ryan Adams t-shirt. I was angry at
myself for being concerned about not being able to wear a t-shirt, when something
so awful had allegedly happened to this teenage girl. I was unsure if I could
ever listen to his music the same way again.
In the following
months I avoided DRA’s music like the plague. I was stuck pondering this
question, which many other fans of other similarly accused and or convicted artists
have had to answer- Can I separate the art from the artist? For me, it’s
a very difficult question to answer. I want to be able to respect and genuinely
admire the artist whose work I love and hold in such high esteem. Unfortunately,
the most talented and gifted people in the world of the arts, are often the
most flawed and tortured souls among us. It’s a common juxtaposition with folks
like these, who produce these pieces of such beauty and resonance, for their personal
lives to be quite ugly, filled with pride and arrogance on one side, deep emptiness
and sadness on the other. It’s no news to any fan who has followed Adams career
that he is certainly one of these people, which again, is why these revelations
came as no real surprise. Adams hasn’t said much since the article came out. Immediately
following the publishing of the article, he posted a few comments stating that the
accusations were false and or misleading and apologizing for any of his actions
which have hurt anyone. From that point until late July, radio silence. On July
19th Adams took to Instagram, posting several song snippets as well
as long statement to his fans, including the following- “I have a lot to say. I
am going to. Soon. Because the truth matters. It’s what matters most. I know
who I am. What I am. It's time people know. Past time.”.
There is a part of me that wants to believe he is not guilty
of these accusations. Selfishly, I want him to be able to keep touring and releasing
albums that I can enjoy. A bigger, and more sensible, part of me believes it's more than likely all true. The truth does matter. It matters especially with regards to the
case and the investigation. If he’s guilty, he deserves everything that he has
coming, and probably more. However, I’m still unsure how it will change how I hear
and feel about his music either way. Recently I have begun listening to some of
his music again, and it’s still sounds the same to me. It still sounds like Adam’s
is one of the most gifted creators of word and sound of this generation. On one
hand I can still enjoy these songs in the moment, but at this point, when it’s
over, I am still left thinking about all he is caught up in. That sucks. It’s
heartbreaking. I guess all I can do for now is wait and see what he has to say
for himself, what the investigation reveals, and if I can ever hear his work
without this awful crap popping into my mind.
